Follow by Email

Friday, 4 May 2012

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

One of my favourite blogs is Creature Comforts written by  Ez Pudewa. Creature Comforts blog usually focuses on beautiful products for the interior and fashion but this morning it was different. Ez wrote about the challenge of being truly honest when blogging and the desire to try to paint a picture of perfection. She challenged bloggers to write an honest blog focusing on 'Things I'm Afraid to Tell You'. Follow these links to read other bloggers responses: Really Handmade, Hello Cupcake, AppleBlue, Design for Mankind
- you can access more links via the Creature Comforts Blog.

So here is my attempt!

I hate failing / losing / I can be very competitive!
I recently did a Paediatric First Aid Course that involved a test at the end and I got 19 out of 20 - this upset me a bit - especially as the other lady doing the course got 20 out of 20! This fear of losing makes me very nervous about the fact that so many people are now aware that I am trying to set up my own business - I am driven not only by my passion and desire to succeed as a Textile Designer but also a need to prove myself to others. When I left my teaching job and told people I was going to try to run my own business they all said 'Good Luck' and 'You're brave'-I sensed that they thought I was mad and would probably fail!

I am lacking in self confidence
People wished me luck and somehow I manage to translate this to -'they think I am going to fail'- this is probably a reflection of my own self doubt.

I am not always honest about my feelings
I find it difficult to open up and be honest a lot of the time. If somebody asks me 'How are you?' my default response is 'Fine thank you'. I even convince myself I am 'fine' even when I am actually knackered, stressed or depressed and really ought to do something about it! I'm sure a lot of people do the same.It also happens when we are feeling really good. It is not often you here someone say 'I am great thank you!' and at the moment I am genuinely feeling really great!

I worry about money
One of the consistent themes in bloggers 'Things I'm Afraid to Tell You' responses was financial worries. I do worry about money - I worry I will never be able to afford to buy a house - I worry I will never be able to buy the lovely home in the countryside that I dream of. But, I have learnt that money does not buy happiness, if you are too tired and stressed to spend the money you are earning - what is the point!? And actually I have a lovely home in the countryside, I just don't own it. 

Reading about other bloggers worries and fears has been very therapeutic - as has writing about my own. Although I do have these thoughts and worries I am feeling very positive at the moment. I am loving the new freedom I have and I am excited at the prospect of things to come. And the reality is that I may not succeed - I may not be the next Cath Kidston - I may not even make a living from my Textiles but I need to try and I will enjoy trying.